S2 E3 Handling The Fear of Becoming A Burden

 In this episode of "Growing Older Together," host Lourdes discusses the common and often unspoken fear of becoming a burden to loved ones as we age. She explores where this fear comes from, shares relatable stories, and offers practical advice on how to address these concerns. By focusing on open communication, planning, and building a supportive network, Lourdes provides listeners with thoughtful ways to navigate these challenges while maintaining independence and dignity. Listen in to gain insights and feel more at ease with the changes that come with aging. 

RESOURCES MENTIONED

California Department of Aging:
https://aging.ca.gov/Programs_and_Services/

Eldercare Locator:
https://eldercare.acl.gov/Public/Resources/LearnMoreAbout/Support_Services.aspx# 

DEFINITIONS

Healthcare Directive: 
A legal document that states a person's wishes about receiving medical care if that person is no longer able to make medical decisions because of a serious illness or injury.

Power of Attorney: 
The Power of Attorney gives power to another person to act as an Agent when the Principal is unable to act for themselves—that power is generally limited to financial matters and that power can be terminated at will.

Living Will: 
A written, legal document that spells out medical treatments you would and would not want to be used to keep you alive, as well as your preferences for other medical decisions, such as pain management or organ donation. In determining your wishes, think about your values.

Vulnerable: 
A person who is weak and without protection, where may easily be hurt physically or emotionally.

CONTACT INFORMATION:
Remember to subscribe and rate the podcast on your favorite platform. You can watch all episodes on my YouTube channels, access show notes, and enjoy captioned content in English and Spanish. Here's the link: https://linktr.ee/growingoldertogether.

You can also email me at podcast@lourdesdirden.com. Thank you for listening.

Transcript

[00:00:00] 

[00:00:19] Welcome back everyone. Whether you are a returning listener or tuning in for the first time, I'm Lourdes, and this is Season Two of "Growing Older Together." This season's theme is 'Silent Struggles, Finding Strength in Our Fears.' Today's episode centers on something very intimate and often unspoken—the fear of becoming a burden to our loved ones as we grow older. We will look at where this fear comes from, and I will share some useful ways to address [00:01:00] it. We will also talk about how important it is to have honest conversations and plan ahead. 

[00:01:09] By the end of this episode, I hope you will feel more at ease and supported in dealing with these concerns. Let's start by recognizing that this fear is completely normal. As we get older, the idea of becoming a burden often comes from our deep sense of responsibility and pride. Many of us have spent our lives caring for others, raising families, building careers, and contributing to our communities. 

[00:01:46] So, the thought of needing help ourselves can feel horrible. But remember, growing older does not have to mean losing [00:02:00] control over your life. Many people find ways to maintain their independence and continue living fulfilling lives, even as they accept help when needed. 

[00:02:15] 

[00:02:15] Have you ever felt a knot in your stomach just thinking about relying on others as you age? Maybe you have wondered, 'What if I become a burden?' This fear can come from different places. Maybe it's about worrying your loved ones or perhaps it's more about losing your independence. Take a moment to reflect on what resonates most with you. 

[00:02:48] I remember talking to Josie, a listener, who had always been independent. She had raised her kids on her own and managed her household without asking [00:03:00] for much help. But as the years went by, she started noticing that chores like carrying groceries or mowing the lawn were becoming more challenging. The thought of asking her adult children for help made her anxious. She worried they would see her differently. Maybe you can relate to Josie's story. The fear is not just about needing help; it is about how it changes the way we see ourselves and how we think others see us. 

[00:03:36] So, where does this fear truly come from? Could it be the worry of burdening our loved ones? Think about this for a moment—how does the idea of depending on someone close to you make you feel? Or perhaps it's more about a deeper concern, like [00:04:00] losing your sense of worth or dignity. Take a second to consider that. And for some, there's an even more profound fear—the fear of being vulnerable, especially in the hands of those who might not have your best interests at heart. These are difficult thoughts, but they are important to explore. For some of us, the fear of being vulnerable or possibly mistreated is very real. It is a fear that might come from past experiences or stories we have heard from others. It is important to acknowledge these feelings as valid. If trust is a big concern for you, it is crucial to thoughtfully explore your options. [00:05:00] 

[00:05:00] Here are some steps to consider. Open communication. Start by having open conversations with those you trust. Share your concerns. Sometimes just talking about your worries can bring a lot of relief. For example, if you are anxious about needing more help around the house, but worry that your adult children might see it as an inconvenience, you might say, 'I have always taken pride in being independent, but lately, I've noticed I can use a little extra help. How do you feel about that?' This opens an honest discussion where everyone can share their feelings. 

[00:05:47] Planning ahead. Think about setting up legal safeguards, like power of attorney, living wills, [00:06:00] or healthcare directives. These steps ensure that your wishes are respected and that the people you trust will make decisions on your behalf if necessary. I remember a friend who was concerned about who would make decisions for her if she became unable to do so. She decided to set up a power of attorney with someone she deeply trusted. This gave her peace of mind, knowing her wishes would be honored if she could not speak for herself. 

[00:06:37] Build a support network. Surround yourself with a mixed group of people—friends, community members or professionals who can offer support and advice. A strong network can act as a safety net, reducing the risk of being overly dependent on any [00:07:00] one person. 

[00:07:01] For example, you might start attending local community events and gradually find a group of friends who can lend a hand when needed. To help you with this, I have included a link to the California Department of Aging, which offers programs and services for older adults and family caregivers. There is also a link to the Eldercare Locator where you can easily find services in your community just by entering your zip code or city and state in the search bar. Both links are in my show notes. 

[00:07:45] Taking charge. Do not hesitate to stand up for yourself. If something does not feel right, it is okay to speak up. Your wellbeing is the [00:08:00] priority and maintaining your dignity and self-respect is essential. For example, one listener shared with me that she was uncomfortable with how a caregiver was handling things. She spoke up and said, 'I appreciate your help but I would prefer it if we did things this way instead.' Standing up for herself made a big difference in how she felt. 

[00:08:31] By taking these steps, you can feel more secure, even in situations where you might feel vulnerable. Remember, accepting help does not mean giving up control over your life. It is about finding a balance that allows you to receive care with respect and love, while still protecting your independence. [00:09:00] After you finish listening today, I encourage you to take one small step, reach out to someone you trust and start a conversation. It does not have to be about anything major. 

[00:09:14] Maybe just share a thought you had while listening to this episode. Opening that door, even a little bit, can be the first step toward feeling more secure and supported as you navigate these concerns. Of course, this does not mean we should sit back and expect others to do everything for us. It is about finding the right balance—doing what we can for ourselves while allowing others to step in when we truly need it. 

[00:09:49] I would love to hear from you. Share your experiences and any tips you have found helpful in handling these feelings. What [00:10:00] has been your biggest challenge as you age? How did you overcome it and what advice would you give others in our community? Send me a message—I read every single one. If you are enjoying the podcast, do not forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with your friends and family. It really helps our community grow. 

[00:10:27] If you have a story to share, I would love to feature it in an upcoming episode. Your voice is what makes this community special. You can always find my contact details in the show notes.

[00:10:43] In our next episode, we will tackle another common concern—loneliness. We will explore why this fear often grows as we age and how we can overcome it [00:11:00] by building deeper connections and finding joy in our own company. It is a topic that touches us all, and I am excited to share some insights and tips that might help. 

[00:11:14] Before we wrap up, a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt: "Speak your mind, even though your voice shakes." This quote reminds us that it is okay to feel scared when sharing our deepest worries, especially when we fear being a burden. Speaking up, even when it's tough, helps us find strength and support. By opening up, we ease our minds and encourage understanding, helping us build stronger relationships and find peace as we age together. 

[00:11:54] Before I say, that's it for today, I want to mention that I have been [00:12:00] working on something special for a while now. I believe it will resonate with many of you, and I cannot wait to reveal it later this season. I will share more details in the coming weeks, so keep listening—there is much more to come. Okay, that's it for today. Thank you for listening. Take care, be kind to yourself, and remember that facing our fears is the first step to finding our true strength. Let's grow older and wiser together.