S2 EP 11 – Invisible with Age: Fighting Ageism

In Episode 11, Lourdes addresses a topic that many people encounter, but many may not recognize by name: ageism. 

She shares the stories from the community as well as a personal story from a friend. Lourdes discusses how it shows up in everyday situations and offers guidance on how to respond when it occurs. 

This episode contains explicit language. Listener discretion is advised.

RESOURCES

Ageism and Age Discrimination:

• U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission – Age Discrimination at Work: what it is, how you’re protected, and how to file a complaint, https://www.eeoc.gov/age-discrimination
• American Society on Aging – Ageism Toolkits & Resources: practical guides and campaigns to help challenge ageism in your community, https://asaging.org/toolkits/
• Reframing Aging – Resources to help you talk about aging in more accurate, respectful ways, https://www.reframingaging.org/resources

If you are worried about ICE at home, work, or in your neighborhood, here are some resources in English and Spanish:

• National Immigrant Justice Center – “Know Your Rights: If You Encounter ICE” (flyers in simple language, English & Spanish), https://immigrantjustice.org/for-immigrants/know-your-rights/ice-encounter/
• Immigrant Defense Project – “Conozca sus derechos con ICE” (practical Spanish guidance about home visits, what to say, and what not to sign), https://www.immigrantdefenseproject.org/conozca-sus-derechos-con-ice/
• ACLU of Northern California – “Know Your Rights: If ICE Confronts You” (short, clear steps, including not opening the door without a warrant), https://www.aclunorcal.org/know-your-rights/know-your-rights-if-ice-confronts-you/

If someone you love is detained or you see ICE activity, these hotlines can help you understand what to do next:

• California Rapid Response Network (to find local hotlines, including LA), https://www.ccijustice.org/carrn
  • Los Angeles Raids and Rapid Response Network: (888) 624‑4752.
• Immigrant Defenders Law Center Rapid Response Legal Hotline (SoCal): (213) 833‑8283 (Monday–Friday, 9 a.m.–4 p.m.),  https://www.immdef.org/contact

For legal help, planning, and local support in Los Angeles County:

• CHIRLA (Coalition for Humane Immigrant Rights) – legal screenings, deportation defense help, and community education,  https://www.chirla.org/
  • Policy/advocacy/program info example: https://www.chirla.org/what-we-do/programs-initiatives/policy-advocacy/
• Immigrants Are LA Resources Hub – centralized information on rights, family safety planning, and local support in LA County, https://www.immigrantsarela.com/knowyourrights
• Los Angeles County Office of Immigrant Affairs – Know Your Rights Resource Hub, https://oia.lacounty.gov/kyr/

For listeners anywhere in the United States:

National Immigration Legal Services Directory – search for nonprofit immigration legal help by state and city, https://www.immigrationadvocates.org/legaldirectory/

LET'S STAY CONNECTED

• Subscribe, rate, and share the podcast on your favorite platform
• Catch all episodes on my YouTube channel
• Show notes and captions available in English and Spanish
• Find everything here: https://campsite.bio/dirdenblueprint
• Email: podcast@lourdesdirden.com

Thank you for listening and for being here with me.

Transcript

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0:22 - Welcome back. Whether you're returning or tuning in for the first time, I'm really glad you're here. I'm Lourdes and today, I'm talking about how we push back on ageism. Have you ever noticed how, as we get older, some people stop really seeing us? Like we've been quietly moved to the background.

0:47 - That quiet shift when others stop treating us with the same attention or respect actually has a name. It's called ageism. Ageism is discrimination, stereotyping, or unfair treatment based on age.

1:06 - Today, I want to talk about how it shows up, how it can sneak into the way we think about ourselves and how to keep it from influencing our lives. Let me start with a story Joseph sent me.

1:23 - Joseph is 82 and uses a walker. Because of that, his adult children have started discussing his life like it's a project.

1:33 - they're managing, not a life he's living. He said when they come over, they don't talk to him. They talk around him. He hears them saying things like, "We need to look at places. "We should start soon. He can't be alone." Joseph said he has tried to speak up about what he wants, what he can handle, and what kind of support would actually help.

2:01 - one daughter told him, "Dad, you're too old. You can't even walk on your own anymore." And another one said, "We know what's best for you." This time, Joseph didn't stay quiet. He said he stood up in his walker and said, "No,

2:20 - I'm not too old to make my own decisions. If you want to talk about my life, talk to me, not around me." Joseph said the room went quiet. They tried to explain they were only trying to help, not hurt him. And he told them, "I understand, but this is my life and I make my own decisions. He said after that, they started addressing him directly.

2:49 - Here's another story someone sent me. Her name is Angela, and this one happened in a public place. Angela is 77, and she goes to her local pool. One afternoon, she was walking toward the water when she overheard two teenagers behind her laughing. Then she heard one of them say, "In a bathing suit at her age, how embarrassing." Angela told me she froze.

3:20 - For a few seconds, she felt embarrassed. She took a breath and turned around to look at them, and they stopped laughing. They realized she heard. She turned around and walked the other way.

3:34 - An older woman nearby walked over and said something to them. Angela told me she couldn't hear what the woman said, teenagers' faces that they were embarrassed. They mumbled something and left. Angela said that until that moment, she didn't feel embarrassed about wearing a bathing suit. She had always loved swimming and never thought twice about how she looked in a swimsuit.

4:00 - She told me she was grateful that woman stepped in because even though Angela turned to look at those teenagers, she couldn't think of what to say at that moment. She got in, swam a few laps, and then cut her swim short and left. It's amazing how one comment can start to shift the way you see yourself as if someone else's opinion is more important than our own.

4:27 - Now let me tell you a story from a friend of mine, because ageism can show up in places where respect should come naturally. My friend went to a medical appointment with her adult daughter. She could have gone alone, but her daughter offered to come along since they had planned to spend the day together.

4:47 - Throughout the visit, the staff kept turning to her daughter to confirm details. They addressed the daughter when discussing treatment. Even when my friend spoke up, staff's attention often drifted away from her, My friend said to me, I felt like I had to fight

5:05 - just to be recognized."

5:07 - Ageism isn't always easy to spot. It doesn't always come as plain disrespect. Sometimes, it shows up in a change of tone, how people speak to you, whether they take you seriously. So what does that look like in real life? It shows up in language and how older adults are described,

5:31 - and in what people automatically think they can or can't do. A lot of times, older adults are treated as if they're all the same, fragile, confused, or slow.

5:45 - You see it when people assume youth automatically means more skill and age automatically means less.

5:53 - It also shows up when you're praised for something most people do, like, "You still work?" Or, "You still drive?" Those comments can carry an underlying message. I didn't expect much from you at your age, even though that may not be what the person meant.

6:15 - Sometimes people think it's a compliment to say, you look good for your age, girl. that can sound like it's good you don't actually look your age, as if aging itself is something you're supposed to hide.

6:33 - In the workplace, ageism can show up in different ways too. Companies may terminate older employees to reduce expenses, refuse to hire candidates based on age, and overlook qualified individuals for promotions.

6:51 - So what can we do about it? Well first, watch the words you use about yourself. If you catch yourself saying, I'm too old, pause and ask, too old for what exactly? Is that really true? Or is it something I picked up?

7:08 - Sometimes there are understandable reasons, like how you're feeling physically or what's going on in your life. But many times, too old is just a phrase we fall back on and it closes the door before we've even tried.

7:25 - Second, speak up when you experience ageism.

7:29 - You don't need to educate anyone. Simple statements can be enough. I'm right here. Ask me. Or, I'd like to finish my thought. Or, I want to go back to what I just mentioned. Or, what makes you think I can't do that? You're not asking for a turn.

7:53 - You're taking your place in the moment. Third, help lift people whose voices aren't being noticed.

8:01 - If someone's idea is ignored, you can say, I want go back to what she just said. Or, that's the same point he made earlier. Let's give credit to that. Or,

8:12 - think we missed her suggestion and it deserves a response. Small interruptions can change what happens next. Fourth, pay attention to what you laugh at. jokes make aging sound like something embarrassing. You don't have to play along with that and you don't have to join in on putting yourself down.

8:36 - choose environments that treat you well. Being around people who treat you like your best days are behind you can really drain your energy. Look for places and people where your experience is respected and your voice still matters. And if something feels missing in your life, think about bringing it back.

8:57 - in a way that fits who you are now. This could be mentoring someone in your field, starting a small project or business, or volunteering somewhere you want to be. These kinds of roles keep you connected to your own life, not just busy, but involved.

9:17 - I have a question for you. Have you ever been treated differently because of your age? Was it a look? A comment? A door that quietly closed? Or perhaps you spoke up and something changed as a result?

9:33 - If you'd to share your story, you can email me. My contact information is in the show notes, along with some resources. If you'd rather stay anonymous, that's fine. I will see your name in the email, but you can decide how you'd like to be identified on the podcast. Don't forget to check out the show notes. I've added some links to resources.

9:56 - If you've been enjoying Growing Older Together, please follow the podcast. Leave a review on your favorite app and share this episode

10:05 - Next time I'll discuss self-defense. I'll cover communication skills that can help you prevent trouble before it escalates.

10:14 - Thank you for being here and for being part of this community. Before I wrap up, I want to speak to anyone listening who feels afraid because of immigration enforcement and ICE activity. I also want to mention the violence in Mexico that some of you may be concerned about. I am too. I have family there.

10:37 - I'll be adding resources in the show notes, including Know Your Rights guides in English and Spanish, as well as hotline numbers for Southern California that you can call if something happens.

10:52 - If you want to reach out to me, please do. I can't provide legal advice, but I am here to listen. If you want to share your story on this podcast, I can help you with that. You can choose to remain anonymous. It's entirely up to you. You can email me in English or Spanish. Leo, escribo y hablo en español.

11:15 - Okay, that's it for today. Remember to take care of your energy, be kind to yourself, and trust that facing our fears can help us uncover our true strength. Let's continue growing older and wiser together.