Lourdes Valtierra Dirden (00:24)
Welcome back and thank you for joining me. I'm glad you're here. It's been a little while since the last episode, but I'm very grateful to be back with you. I'm Lourdes, and today's episode, Awareness Is your first Defense," is about self-defense and noticing what is happening around you before it turns into a dangerous situation.
How do you protect yourself in different moments? Sometimes it is using your physical skills. Other times it can be to cool things down or simply leaving before things get worse.
The goal is always the same to get away as safely as possible. But today I want to focus on what happens before anything physical happens. It is a part of self-defense where you use your judgment, experience, and instincts to recognize when something does not feel right.
When most people hear the words self defense, they often imagine martial arts or physically defending yourself against an attacker. I used to think this way too. I started martial arts training many years ago. I studied Kung Fu San Su for a few years, and a little bit of Jiu-Jitsu and some Kenpo Karate. The experience gave me confidence, but it also taught me that protecting myself is not just about physical force. It is about staying aware and noticing possible dangers before anything happens. I remember my instructor, Al Hinojoza, often reminding us to avoid confrontation.
He warned us about shortcuts like walking through alleys or empty parking lots. At the time, I wanted to know how to protect myself because I had already been hurt physically and I did not want that shit to happen again. I wanted to know what the fuck to do if someone grabbed me by the hair, grab me by the throat, or pin me down. Now that I'm older, even though I know how to protect myself, I also know I am not the same physically as I was when I was younger. Also, it has been a long time since I practiced any martial arts, and I'm not going to rely only on what I used to know. It is much better to notice something early, leave, or ask for help than to wait for something to happen. This is why I believe awareness is the first part of protecting yourself. According to Seniors Fight Back, attacks usually last between 30 seconds to one minute, and you are your own first responder, which means that in the first moments of danger, you may be the one who has to recognize what is happening and do what you can to get away safely.
This is where it can get difficult. Recognizing danger sounds simple, but those first signs are easy to talk yourself out of, especially if you grew up hearing: "Don't complain," "Don't make trouble," "Don't cause a scene."
And while those lessons may have helped you get through certain situations, they can also make you second guess yourself.
So when something feels off, you may not be thinking "Something is not right here." Instead, you may think, "Don't make it a problem, "Don't overreact." And that is when you stop listening to yourself.
Maybe you had this experience before. Someone stands too close to you in a line. A stranger watches you for too long. Someone keeps moving into your space even after you step away. All of a sudden, your stomach drops. You feel nervous.
Your shoulders tighten. You suddenly become aware of what is around you. The exits. The distance. The people nearby. And then almost immediately, your brain tells you, "It's fine." "Don't make a big deal out of it." "Stop being so frickin' paranoid." Awareness is not paranoia. And it is not walking around scared. Awareness helps you recognize what is happening early so you are not caught off guard. Pay attention to what someone is doing, not just what they are saying. Sometimes the words sound fine, but the person's actions tell you something different. Someone may speak calmly but still block your path.
Someone may smile, but still ignore a boundary you just set. Being aware helps you see what is actually happening around you. Awareness can mean not looking at your phone when you are walking in places where you need to be more alert, like parking lots or gas stations. Awareness can mean noticing who is standing near you in an elevator. Awareness can mean paying attention when someone gets too close in line and deciding to move instead of freezing in place. Awareness can mean watching how someone responds when you say, "No, thank you." Do they respect it? Do they try to make you feel guilty? These may seem like small things, but they are very important. Being aware can be as simple as looking up, checking your surroundings for a few seconds, and saying to yourself, "Something feels off."
That does not mean you have to panic. Does not mean you have to confront anyone. It just means you are not ignoring what is happening around you. Now, I want you to think about the moment you notice something, but then try to convince yourself it's nothing. This is when awareness starts to go away. This can happen before anything physical happens. You notice something and then you start thinking,
"That was weird. But maybe I'm reading too much into it." Or "I don't like this, but I don't want to fucking embarrass myself." Most situations give you small clues. It could be the tone of voice, body language, how close someone stands, whether they back off when you move away. So the question is not only "Did I notice?" The more important question is, "Did I take it seriously or did I talk myself out of it?" Here are a few reminders you may have heard before, but they are worth repeating. When something feels off, keep your distance, step back, move your chair, create space between you and whatever feels off. Leave early. You do not need to explain why you are walking away or asking for help. Feeling uncomfortable is enough. Notice your exits. Sit or stand where you can leave easily, and do not feel trapped. And when necessary, make eye contact. Show that you're aware and paying attention. Awareness is about using the information your body and mind are already giving you. It's about taking your experiences seriously and saying, "If something feels off, I will listen to myself." Trust yourself.
As we age, society often treats us as if we are more fragile, more confused, or less aware. Hell no. We have lived through many situations, watched people, seen patterns, we have learned from experience, you do not need to wait for something to happen to protect yourself. There is usually a moment when something does not feel right. The question is whether you choose to listen. The next time something feels off, notice what your body does. Do your shoulders tighten?
Do you want to leave? Does something inside you say, "Be careful?" Ask yourself, what would it look like to take this feeling seriously, even in a small way? Maybe it means asking someone you trust to walk with you or meet you outside. Or maybe it means not explaining yourself.
Protecting yourself can start with a simple decision. I noticed this, and I am going to take it seriously.
And please, if you believe you are in immediate danger, call 911 or contact emergency services as soon as you can safely do so.
Before I wrap up, if you want to share your story on this podcast, email me in English or Spanish. You can choose to remain anonymous. Check the show notes for resources and information on how to stay connected. If you enjoyed this episode, the best way to support this podcast is simple. Follow it on your podcast listening app and leave a quick rating or thumbs up. This helps the platform share it with more people like you.
Thank you for spending time with me today. Remember, while facing your fears may not change your situation right away, it can help you see yourself with new strength and understanding. Let's continue to grow older and wiser together.
